Creating a Healthy LGBT Relationship

When You Meet Someone Special
It takes time, respect and nurture to create a healthy relationship. Being in a relationship can provide support and comfort in a society that can be isolating. Yet, lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender couples often begin relationships without role models or social acceptance. This brochure offers suggestions to help your relationship have the best foundation possible.

Laying the Groundwork
It is important to begin a relationship without unfinished business. Ideally, each person should enter the relationship from a place of acceptance of their sexual orientation or gender identity. It would be helpful to work through internalized homophobia or transphobia prior to coming together. If you cannot feel good about yourself, it will be harder to feel good about your relationship.

Each couple will need to decide how out to be. Where different levels of being out exist, frustration can develop. If one partner is used to being open about their orientation or identity and the other person has reasons to not disclose, discussing where to be out and where to be judicious can help.

Each person should have a good support system in place. This support will help you deal with external bias and discrimination. A good support system will encourage your relationship to flourish when outside society may undermine it.

Creating What Works
Here are some qualities to look for:

Time: It is a red flag when relationships move too fast. It takes time to learn about a potential partner: What do other people say about him or her? How does she interact with her family? How is he when things do not go his way? Has she ever been arrested? Is he or she in financial trouble?

Family and Friends: Your partner understands and encourages you to spend time with the people you care about. She or he is secure.

Give and Take: Both partners give. Both partners take. No one is being used. No one is being neglected. Responsibilities are not lopsided.

Equality: One person does not have the power and control.

Negotiation: Each person will concede or apologize and do what is best for the relationship. Agreements are renegotiable. Both people take responsibility to make the relationship work.

Decisions: Partners make important decisions together. One person is not deciding everything. Each person makes their own decisions on minor things, but both opinions and preferences are considered in major things. Compromises are made.

Peaceful problem-solving: Disagreements and problems are solved peacefully, without violence. Thoughts can be voiced and heard. There are no personal attacks. After the argument, you both make efforts to resolve the issue. Apologies are made and neither person carries the blame. The resolution is satisfying to both people.

Finances: You work together to manage finances and needs in a mutually agreeable way. There are communicated understandings and goals that you both work toward. No one is hiding information or ignoring concerns.

Sex: As a couple you decide how monogamous to be and you keep the agreement. If you say no to a sex act, that is respected. If you say wait, then your partner waits.

Feelings: You feel good about yourself and your relationship. You want to be in the relationship because you are with the right person, not because it is better than being alone or you fear leaving.

Safety: Both people feel safe and free from threat. There is the absence of physical, verbal and emotional violence. No one is threatening to harm him or herself as a means of manipulation or control. If you choose to keep your orientation private, your partner holds that as sacred.

Challenges in Committed Relationships
LGBT couples begin relationships without clearly defined roles. This is an advantage and a challenge. Each couple can create what works best, yet will have to negotiate things that other couples may take for granted.


Both people may have been socialized to take the lead, but it can be freeing to let go and decide roles based upon each other’s strengths and on what is best for the couple.


LGBT relationships also lack full legal protection in Cambodia. Canbodian law provides protections around health care and finances. There is a health crisis, a partner may not be able to decide things or even visit.

For more information and the brochure about your relationship have the best foundation possible please go to http://www.ewu.edu/x59423.xml